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Thursday, February 11 2010 - 04:20 PM
Toyota ... Forever
As the owners of two, count ‘em two, Toyotas, I don’t feel this is a betrayal of brand loyalty…
TOKYO (The Borowitz Report) – Hoping to reverse a series of public relations setbacks, Toyota today unveiled a new slogan, “Drive a Toyota. You’ll Never Stop.”
Company spokesman Hiroshi Kyosuke said that the slogan was chosen after the company considered several others, including “Toyota Puts the Pedal to the Metal. And Keeps it There.”
Mr. Kyosuke said that the company considered, but then abandoned, the slogan, “Toyota. The Last Car You’ll Ever Drive.”
TOKYO (The Borowitz Report) – Embattled automaker Toyota today said that despite problems with accelerators and brakes, the cup holders on its most popular car models were “perfectly safe to use.”
“Feel free to enjoy the beverage of your choice and know that you can rest it in one of our cup holders with confidence,” said Tokyo spokesman Hiroshi Kyosuke. “Our cup holders are world-class.”
But Mr. Kyosuke’s upbeat comments about Toyota’s cup holders were undercut somewhat later in the day by congressional testimony from Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood.
“You should only feel safe to use your cup holder if your Toyota is parked in your driveway,” Mr. LaHood said. “At 80 miles per hour, the cup holder becomes a rocket launcher.”
Toyota’s stock plunged 17 percent on the Transportation Secretary’s remarks, prompting him to issue the following statement: “Opposite of what I said.”
TOKYO – Piano maker Yamaha, encountering similar problems to those of Toyota, has recalled 20,000 pianos due to a problem with the pedal sticking, causing pianists to play faster than they normally would, resulting in a significant amount of accidents.
The sticky pedal also makes it harder for pianists to come to a full stop at the end of a piece, making it extremely risky for audiences. Please be careful when starting to play. Better yet…DON’T play at all!!
Cagy Wolf says...
Keep buying foreign products until every nation like China and Japan owns every piece of land in the USA. Keep buying the cheap made crap at walmart so china and other nations selling shit to us gets richer. Wake you fools don’t you its only a matter of time when you don’t have a consitution and bill of rights to protect us and our rights,already while we have to obey all the laws citizens of other countries enjoy all the benefits while many americans are homeless and go hungry for lack of the taken by immigrants legal and illegal.
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dbeardw says...
Cagy – those times that you speak of are here. China and Japan already own so much of us it’s sickening. It’s also sickening how Mexicans can purchase and own our land but we can’t purchase and own land in Mexico. Recently they’ve started some new deal where Americans are securing their land through Mexican banks. Reality still is a person who is not a Mexican citizen cannot own land there. So why does America sell its land to anyone and everyone who wants it.
They say most of the land in the District of Columbia is owned by Japan. I don’t doubt it.
Then WalMart makes fools of us. They are running all these Walmart ads up here to push the new Walmart down our throats. The reason?
If Walmart is not built across the street from Quartz Hill High School — on that land that Jim Vose made about $300,000 from — Walmart is going to roll some heads.
That’s what the insiders tell me. Walmart brought that residential land three years ago, sat on it because of what someone told them would happen, and they’re big enough not to let the Titans play games with them.
Cagy, you and I are not on opposite sides of the issues — you just like to insult me all the time. My point is that it’s not JUST an illegal alien issue. We have people in this community that have taken as much money from us as the illegal alien issue probably costs us.
What are you going to do about their manipulation of the money situation in Lancaster besides bitch about the illegal aliens.
Gilley …. Visco …… Parris …..Runner ……..and others have fattened themselves on our money through deals approved by or ignored by the Lancaster City Council.
That is why I have no respect for people like Henry Hearns. I will never call him Pastor, Bishop or anything else that pertains to God and the sanctity of a church or religion. He sat on that city council and did NOTHING!!!!
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Cagy Wolf says...
DBW I know we agree on some issues. I know all about our debts to other countries while we still give gifts of money to other nations. It needs to stop and needed to stop 65 years all shit all started with FDR,Truman and the Marshall plan, we gave Japan 600 billion to rebuild their nation and gave nothing to our own industry and citizens besides the GI Bill. The rich got richer and are getting so rich they can buy any political leader like Obama. Soros gave millions so that Obama could be elected.And while I am on the subject, the North American Union treaty that Bush signed takes effect this year and once it goes into effect kiss your rights and country bye bye.
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Cagy Wolf says...
And DBW besides bitching I far more then bitch.
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CASimons says...
And today there is a scandolous report of how Toyota negotiated with the US Govt with regards to recalls and safety issues! They got all those ‘cash 4 clunker’ sales by relying on their ‘quality’. Nope, will they now go to the level of the Borgward?
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Randy Hall says...
If you step on the brake it will stop. Don’t beleive me try it yourself. Hold the brake put it in gear, floor the throttle. The engine will make noise but it won’t move.
Toyota is being shaked down!
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dbeardw says...
I remember when I was 21 — oh so long ago – and I was looking at buying my first car after college. I remember a Datsun. They were cheaper and had all these good things attached. My older had told me it was a good investment. She had traded one in and got really nearly what she paid for it.
Now all these years later, the Japanese are beating us on car manufacturing or at least they were until this Toyota mess. But like with everything else, this too should pass.
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Ray Cunneff says...
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold morning. It’s a bad one. Both of their cars (Toyotas?)are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, “So, you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman.” (God works in mysterious ways.)
She says, “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.”
Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you’re still at fault… women shouldn’t be allowed to drive.”
The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break.. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”
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