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Thursday, December 10 2009 - 10:58 AM
Tiger, Tiger Burning Bright
All in good fun…
The police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. “I don’t know exactly…put me down for a 5.”
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards.
Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of drivers; to be named Elin Woods…“clubs you can beat Tiger with.”
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family—his new name?: Cheetah
Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?
“Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are contacting Nike for a new club”.
Who among us doesn’t hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find??!!
Tiger’s new movie: “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant”.
Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
Poor choice; he should have gone with his driver.
A “real” statement from the Rev. Al Sharpton:
The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods’ harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls.
“Why is it that a man who calls himself black can’t bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman?” said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem. “What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods. What would your daddy say?”
Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today’s black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines.
Added Sharpton, “I’m not asking you to not cheat on your wives, I’m just asking you to give back to your own community.”
Tiger says, “When I cheat on you, you seem to take it in stride. How do you control your anger?”
Elin says, “I clean the toilets.”
Tiger says, “How does that help?”
Elin says, “I use your toothbrush.”
marino says...
http://www.funnyhub.com/pictures/pages/tiger-woods-holiday-card.html
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138hwy says...
If his wife should stay, which I highly doubt, then she was always in it for the money and fame.
No woman would accept this type of humiliation.
If Woods was a server in Mc Donalds, no woman would not even give him a second look because he is “geeky.” However, a billion dollars gets ya anything, even buying off the Florida Highway Patrol. California Highway Patrol would have handled this differently because the CHP is not corrupt and never screw up.
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dbeardw says...
Don’t know 138/Billy. She just might stay. Kobe’s wife stayed.
I’m thinking with that many mistresses and most cock-tail waitresses (get the pun), Tiger has a sexology problem.
Maybe he’s addicted to sex. That is a legitimate illness. As for the white women vs black women, what does it matter. Everyone has their own taste and he prefers what he prefers and he can pay for it in spades. (smile)
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SantaTaco says...
I’m so sick of Tiger Woods. He’s just some guy who plays the most boring sport in the world (if you can even call it a sport). Watching monks meditate would be more exciting than watching golf any day of the year. With how much water it takes to keep up a golf course, golf should be banned. Poor, Poor rich people! What would they do to get away from their wives.
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Ray Cunneff says...
There’s only one thing more boring than watching golf on TV, that’s listening to it on the radio.
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138hwy says...
dbw, aka: lancaster.
Brush up on that there studying because there is no such thing as “sex addiction.”
Now, what ya should have said is: “Woods has no morals and acts like a dog in heat.” If ya did, then I’d a understood ya better.
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dbeardw says...
Sorry 138 — I know the books are beyond your grasp but there is disease called Sexual Addiction. Ask the librarian to help you. You know librarian as in go to a library. I studied it a while ago in a course.
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Randy Hall says...
Our life is so awful we have to invent diseases. That was sarcasm. We invent diseases, because our life is so easy. That wasn’t sarcasm.
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mattkeltner says...
Diana is correct. There is a disorder known as “Sexual Addiction”. It isn’t simply men or women who have trysts or extramarital affairs, but it also includes people who habitually look at pornography. It becomes an “addiction” when more value is placed on sexual gratification than on work, family, school or socialisation. Sexual Addiction is very similar to alcoholism, drug abuse, smoking and problem gambling.
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Randy Hall says...
Dr. Laura laughs at the thought of alcoholism being a disease, she says it a choice like sexual addiction.
If we can make up diseases how about the need to drive a car? My blood pressure goes up every time I see an Aston Martin. I need a DB9, now or else…!
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Cybertariat says...
Yes, Randy, but that is due only to the fact that reality and the bourgeois world of Laura Schlessinger are two worlds which will never collide with one another.
Persevere. Guy
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Randy Hall says...
Don’t laugh MK, at one time they thought homosexuality was a mental illness. It took a dedicated group of homosexuals’ years to make the APA see the error of their ways.
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Randy Hall says...
Alcoholism is a disease like global warming is a threat. All you need is a few “respected” loudmouths to say something is true and snake oil is born! Got to buy into the current zeitgeist, or be a social outcast.
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mattkeltner says...
You just had to go there, didn’t you Randy? It figures. Sexual addiction — which can emcompass heterosexuality, bisexuality and homosexuality — is a disease, to be sure.
But saying that homosexuality, or feelings of romance, affection and love for a person of the same gender — is not a disease, unless you consider romance, love and affection to be diseases themselves, which nobody does.
Randy Hall says...
MK, I didn’t say that homosexuals didn’t feel affection, love ect., I said homosexuality was at one time considered a mental illness. I think it was as late as 1980 that homosexuality was considered a mental aberration that required intervention. MK, you are free to correct my history if I am wrong. My motives were to give evidence how we invent boogie men to assuage our guilt.
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mattkeltner says...
Addictive disorders — such as alcoholism, sexual addiction, drug abuse or chronic financial mismanagement — are usually the result of psychological trauma experienced during a prime developmental stage in a person’s life.
I know a woman who has an addiction to material consumption. She buys things that are needless and ends up wasting money. When she was younger, she was emotionally abused by her parents and purposely deprived of gifts and other material items that were constantly given to her sister. When she started to become financially independent, she developed a consumer addiction. People with addictive personalities usually go through stages involving high levels of confidence, followed by anxiety, then despair. Like a bad cycle.
For a sexual addict, the root cause might have been an over-protective parent who frowned on any sexual activity or references thereto, sexual abuse by an authority figure or lack of proper affection during childhood.
For people who fall into these “addictive” categories, there is help available — either through counseling, spiritual enrichment or medicine, or any combo of each.
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Randy Hall says...
If we lived on a farm and that is all we knew, getting up at 4am to feed and tend to the crops and work till the sun set, there would be no such thing as sexual addiction. You simply would not have time, in just trying to survive. Sexual addiction is a “disease” born out of a life style of abundance.
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Randy Hall says...
Thanks MK for showing us a “disease” of affluence. Good example.
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138hwy says...
Not a disease at all. Should be labeled a (bad) habit. If I like Las Vegas, and I do, then do I have a “Las Vegas” disease? If I like to play craps whilst in Las Vegas, do I have a “dice” disease? Stop all of this nonsense.
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mattkeltner says...
Randy: “…I think it was as late as 1980 that homosexuality was considered a mental aberration that required intervention. MK, you are free to correct my history if I am wrong. ”
That was prior to research conducted in 1995 by the Sulk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego, where it was found that the anterior hypothalamus in self-identified “gay” men, was similar in shape and size to that of self-identified “straight” women. From thenceforth, a large amount of research has accumulated favouring the biological explanation in most cases.
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mattkeltner says...
I’m finished bantering with idiots! Have a nice day…:-)
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Cybertariat says...
Yes the religion-induced and thus abominably ignorant belef that homosexuality “is a mental illness” has been largely put to rest. So the question is: Does Randy believe homosexuality to be a mental disorder – one worthy of intervention; and, if not, then why does he still have a problem with both homosexuality and homosexuals?
Outta’ here…
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138hwy says...
kelter..
Woods father was also a cheating bastard. We should say, “like father, like son” and just leave it at that.
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Randy Hall says...
Please Guy enlighten me as to the “problem with both homosexuality and homosexuals” that I have. How is it you know what’s in my mind. You just said on another blog you don’t know what I’m talking about now you say you know my thoughts? Weird!
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Randy Hall says...
MK, the point isn’t that homosexual is genetic; the issue I brought up was at one time homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Simply put is my history right or wrong?
If you got mad at my use of past history that proves you have some sort of animosity you need to work through not me.
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Grumpy says...
I had mumps & measles & chicken pox but never got to have sexual addiction, damn it! I also must have been busy when midlife crisis time came so all I have to drive is the old Ford.
And now it’s too late. Oh well…
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Grumpy says...
You mean, so I can do a “Tiger”? Nah, mine throws a mean frying pan & I ain’t as fast as I used to be.
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dbeardw says...
Randy Hall says…
If we lived on a farm and that is all we knew, getting up at 4am to feed and tend to the crops and work till the sun set, there would be no such thing as sexual addiction. You simply would not have time, in just trying to survive. Sexual addiction is a “disease” born out of a life style of abundance."
If what you say is true Randy then what is impotence? It is also a disease. What is it born out of according to your theory — having an ugly spouse who thinks fornication is evil. If so, how would your children have been created if your wife was impotent or frigid which are diseases — the opposite of sexual addiction.
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dbeardw says...
What would you do? Put a shopping bag over her head, tie her down and proceed. Or would you take her to a psychiatrist to find out why she found you so repulsive and was thus impotent or frigid?
Face it, these are all diseases that people deal with everyday.
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roxi says...
I disagree that ANY of these so-called diseases are really ‘diseases’ – but fabricated by the media via big Pharma to make us thing we’re SICK. Com’on people – just because someone is of a certain orientation, a drunk, a drug abuser or gay- whatever – why is it called a DISEASE? Call it as it is – a trait, something that makes a person who they ARE!
And what they CHOOSE to be!
Homosexuality is NOT a disease, it’s a trait, thru the generations of their family/DNA. Men who chase skirts and have many affairs most likely learned this BEHAVIOR pattern from either their fathers, mothers or Uncle Jim or their DNA. Or, maybe they were bullied by some a-hole in elementry school – who knows?
Why do people with these so-called ‘SOCIETAL’ diseases – have to be medicated – or changed???
Murderers, or people who feel they need to kill should be looked into. But then, we TRAIN people to kill in wars—maybe some reverse psycho work could be done at an early age. Since the military are so keen on training how to kill – they could help us with this problem.
But to say that we have allll these diseases that can only be cured by some stinkin’ chemical from Big Pharma — even made-up diseases like ‘restless leg syndrom’ that will sell yet another drug – ha – is total bs and manipulation of our society.
getta grip!
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roxi says...
Solution to the drug problem? Improve Reality.
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dbeardw says...
Roxi, have you ever met a religious fanatic? Don’t you wish they’d be quiet but they can’t. You ever been stalked by one? You ever met a someone addicted to anything?
What do you call those people? You ever met someone who hurt little kids — rape them, kill them? What do we call them? Don’t you think they’re sick? Come on Roxi — there are addictions of all types. Some harmful — some passable — some you can tolerate. But addictions abound and can run the gamut from being simple things to being down right crazy. How about someone with OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They will drive you nuts. Again Addictions abound.
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Randy Hall says...
Would you say blogging is OCD? I would.
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roxi says...
Dwb: You have to ask yourself WHAT CAUSES these addictions? Answer: Society and learned behaviours. It’s a great biz-create the problem – sell the solution.
Yes, my own mother was a religious fanatic with other problems -I spent over 50 years with that madness but found a cure….moved 3,000 miles away. Didn’t matter what DRUG she took, she was still that way – much like her grandmother who went thru 3 husbands, all mysteriously dead for some reason or another, think ‘Delores Claiborn’. Stalked, yes -jumped, yes – all of the above.
When Reagan closed all the looney bins across the nation and they were all wandering the streets of NYC – and became ‘homeless’.
All who are against ‘Global Warming’, I might also add do not see the real picture. It is our environment, our crazy society that puts people in such a degenerative state with the chemicals in the water, chemicals in the food, DDT/Dupont who have millions are are now polluting the 3rd world. – Now we have THE DESTRUCTION of the middle class – well, like I say – it ain’t gonna get any better in this society as long as young children chew on chemically-treated toys from China-but who cares? We’ll all be nuts as a society not too soon after taking all these chemicals – then what?
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138hwy says...
Randy..
I would not say that blogging is OCD.
I’d say that it is trying to shut up lib-tards/stalinists and trying to make “their minds right.”
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Randy Hall says...
Sorry Roxi your world is so ugly. I wish I could show you blue skies and green grass, but somehow I think you would say the grass has a weed in it and the sky a contrail that is really a mind controlling chem trail.
Please read Plato’s alagory of the cave. Or watch this video.
Randy Hall says...
138, I was being sarcastic. But there is a bit of irony in trying to sway those so lost. With me it is OCD. I think I could quit but I worry about the withdrawls.
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roxi says...
I don’t watch videos-I figure they’re fixed like Ray does. My life is fabulous, is not ugly – and I see what’s really going on and know how to act accordingly. I don’t dwell in things I cannot change, or people who make personal choices that I have no right to judge.
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roxi says...
RH: I’m sure there’s a drug you can take to keep you off the internet…..do a search.
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Randy Hall says...
http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html
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Randy Hall says...
“My life is fabulous, is not ugly,,,”
Could have fooled me with this load of crap.
“All who are against ‘Global Warming’, I might also add do not see the real picture. It is our environment, our crazy society that puts people in such a degenerative state with the chemicals in the water, chemicals in the food, DDT/Dupont who have millions are are now polluting the 3rd world. – Now we have THE DESTRUCTION of the middle class – well, like I say – it ain’t gonna get any better in this society as long as young children chew on chemically-treated toys from China-but who cares? We’ll all be nuts as a society not too soon after taking all these chemicals – then what?”
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roxi says...
12/10/09 – 11:12 PM
Randy Hall says…
“My life is fabulous, is not ugly,,,”
Could have fooled me with this load of crap.
CRAP? Have you read the side-bar on the pre-packaged food you’ve bought lately? Have you read a newspaper article lately? Have you wondered why you can’t ‘remember things’ as you use to?
I’m happy. I grow my own food. But, happily, I will cease to tell anyone else about this.
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Randy Hall says...
Roxi, all the worries you have are crap. 100 years ago everyone ate their own grown food, or shared. Since they live an average of 40 years is that what you want to go back too? I’m sure you don’t but why not celebrate the fantastic increase in average life span and chalk it up to how we’ve affective the environment? Our fear of thin bird shells costs us half a million Africian children a year. One lousy book is the cause of that extermination of people, when we could spray DDT, and save millions. Your fear or hatred of man’s progress is born of fear you have been taught. That is why I gave you the cave allagory. Read it, your reality isn’t what is real. Things are good you just choose to interpertate your reality from shadows you think are the world. It’s a bit sad when you realize the benighted nature of your world view. Also it must have stunted your personal growth. Take Guy Marsh for instance, his world view made him a drone, instead of a titan he could have been. Instead of many enjoying a life style he created like I have several families dependent on my business sense; Guy chose safety of risk and he got it. I chose risk and have elevated lots of people up. Without Guy’s employer he’d work somewhere else but maybe not.
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whomeye says...
on the brighter side: Sandford’s wife is filing for divorce…
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Jeanne says...
Ray and I were visiting old friends (Catherine and Des) yesterday and Catherine reminded me of another old friend we haven’t seen in years. She went into rehab for a food addiction. When we visited her there were people in rehab with her for an exercise addiction. They would jog in the shower. Now that would be a good addiction!!!
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dbeardw says...
Jeanne, I could use that exercise addiction to help me with my Butter Pecan ice cream addiction!
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Randy Hall says...
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, Which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, Have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as An anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips Older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as
PINO MORE
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Ray Cunneff says...
Fox News, MSNBC and CNN have reported that Elin Nordegren moved to the top of the money list on the PGA Tour yesterday after “beating” the world’s number one golfer.
The news came after the worlds number one golfer inadvertently played the wrong hole.
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Captain Jason says...
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make,I’m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with only one other guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. “Now what are you doing?” she asks.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it again.”
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
The husband says, “No! I’m calling Tiger Woods.”
“What for?” asks the wife.
“To find out what the par is for this damn hole.”
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138hwy says...
Why did Woods ALWAYS cheat with white women? Is this “self loathing” in reverse?
You can now throw out any (pre-nup) and bet your ass that even an offer of $300 million to settle will be seen as CHUMP CHANGE. Rex Parris would just love to handle this case.
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